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I’m sure you’ve heard the complaints before: “Where have all the good men gone?”

The Brookings Institution wants to know the answer to this question. Women are asking their pastors this question. Big-name Presbyterian pastor Kevin DeYoung says, “I have met scores of godly young women nearby and far away who wonder ‘Where have all the marriageable men gone?’”

Lucinda Belle wrote a song and A.J. Kiesling wrote a book with that title. Women are even writing into sex advice columnist Dan Savage asking about it. Google it — even in quotes — and get well over 100,000 hits.

If you are a young guy hearing all these complaints, you might be tempted to think you are way different and better than all the other guys out there. You are actually working hard to be a good man, so obviously you should be able to easily find a good woman interested in you.

Don’t be fooled. If you think you can attract women by being a “good man,” you are on a collision course with painful reality.

You’ll probably be told just the opposite, of course, especially if you are a young, Christian man. You’ll hear that women are attracted to godly “servant leaders.” Superstar Southern Baptist pastor Matt Chandler said, “I keep saying it: Godliness is sexy to godly people.”

Movies by the Kendrick brothers cover the same territory, such as in “Fireproof,” when a wife breaks off an affair and decides to stay with her husband after he stops watching porn and pays for medical equipment for her mother. Some prominent Christian leaders even suggest that being a good man will make your wife want to have sex with you.

The problem with this “good man” stuff, whether from the church or secular society, is that it just doesn’t work — at least not for long. This is because the idea of being a good man mixes up two things: what makes a man good marriage or boyfriend material, and what makes a man attractive. These are very different things.

Women Don’t Just Want a ‘Nice Guy’

Trying to set yourself apart from other men by being a good man means you are only working on one piece of the puzzle, trying to demonstrate that you would be a high-quality spouse or partner. This mindset completely misses that you also need to be attractive.

Consider that there are many women you find very attractive but you would never want to marry. On the other hand, you probably know high-quality women to whom you just aren’t attracted.

This is why men fail when they try the “good man” or “nice guy” strategy. A woman who just broke up with an attractive but jerky man is outraged at the way he treated her. In her pain, she might turn to the good man (maybe even you) for support and consolation, and possibly even the start of a relationship.

If that man is not also attractive, however, then that relationship will also crash and burn, but for the exact opposite reason, when she says she’s “just not feeling it” or “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” As a man, you must be both high-quality relationship material and as attractive as you can be.

How to Make Yourself More Attractive

So what are women attracted to? As I’ve covered

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in detail elsewhere, men gain attractiveness through attributes such as power and status, confidence and charisma, “game,” looks and style, and money, which matters but is arguably the least important. This is easy to see at the highest levels. Musicians, athletes, rich men, incredibly good-looking guys, politicians, celebrities, corporate CEOs, and, yes, even a number of high-profile pastors such as Carl Lentz have no trouble finding women interested in them.

What’s true for them is also true for you. You might never be as attractive as Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio, but you can work to maximize what you’ve got. Prioritize time in the gym and lift heavy. Aspire to great heights in your career, and pursue opportunities to advance at your job by being diligent, reliable, and confident. Improve your style and your social skills. Stand up straight, and maintain strong eye contact. Work hard to earn money, but don’t try to be flashy or impress women with it.

Most importantly, be straightforward and know your own value. Instead of hiding behind the keyboard and mass spamming women on online dating sites, walk up to the woman you are interested in and start a conversation in real life. Tell her directly that you’d like to take her on a date, and have a plan for what you want to do together. If she says no, respect that. If you are man who is attractive and high-quality relationship material, then it’s her loss. Men, too, should have standards of their own to which they expect women to measure up.

Understand that most women don’t want to settle, so be careful not to put yourself down or her up on a pedestal. If you start posting on Facebook about how she’s your “better half” or “the boss,” or say “I’m not worthy of this woman,” don’t be surprised if she starts believing you.

One of the tragic mistakes men make when relationships start going south is to turn into a doormat, trying to placate their wife or girlfriend by doing whatever she says. This only causes her to, rightly, lose all respect for him as a man.

Many men have a much better idea about what it takes to be a good man — honesty, conscientiousness, kindness, stability, diligence, and fidelity — than they do about what it takes to be attractive. If you really want to set yourself apart from the other guys, figure out how to be excellent at both.

Aaron M. Renn is the publisher of “The Masculinist” (www.themasculinist.com), a newsletter on Christianity, masculinity, and the modern world.



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Convicted fundraiser who tried to work his way into Biden’s inner circle sentenced to prison

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Amajor Democratic bundler, who raised large sums for Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton and consorted with Joe Biden, was sentenced to 12 years in prison for what prosecutors said was a “mercenary” political influence scheme.

Imaad Zuberi, a Californian businessman was sentenced Thursday for schemes to funnel foreign money into U.S. political campaigns, then take millions of dollars for himself.

The Los Angeles Times reported that U.S. Assistant Attorney Daniel J. O’Brien said Zuberi was “purely a mercenary, funneling money to whomever he believed would do his bidding.”

Among the many unsealed court records, Zuberi was seen photographed with Joe Biden and Barack Obama when they were Vice President and President. He was also pictured with former President Bill Clinton and former presidential nominee, Hillary Clinton. He took pictures with former Republican Rep. Paul Ryan when he was speaker of the House as well as the late Sen. John McCain of Arizona.

Also included in the Times report was a hacked email chain released on WikiLeaks. Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager Robby Mook messaged colleagues saying, “I’m OK taking the money and dealing with any attacks.” Jennifer Palmieri responded saying, “Take the money!”

He also attended Hillary Clinton’s election night party in New York City in 2016 as well as serving as a co-chair of The Trump Presidential Inauguration Committee.

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Zuberi made more than $950,000 in unlawful donations to the political committees of Obama, Clinton, McCain and others. Zuberi’s activities extended as far as a recent attempt to work his way into the Biden circle, according to Politico.  

In addition to the money he made, Zuberi also raised $270,000 for Hillary Clinton and $1.3 million for President Obama.

Zuberi, 50, pleaded guilty to a “three-count information charging with violating the Foreign Agents Registration Act (FARA)” for making false statements on a FARA filing as well as tax evasion and illegal contributions to political campaigns. He also pleaded guilty in a separate case earlier in June 2020 to a count of obstruction of justice.

“Zuberi turned acting as an unregistered foreign agent into a business enterprise,” Assistant Attorney General for National Secretary John C. Demers said in a Department of Justice news release.

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Cruz responds to pictures of him on Mexico flight, with Texas struggling from deadly winter storm

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Texas GOP Sen. Ted Cruz confirmed Thursday that he flew earlier this week to Mexico with family members, following the emergence of pictures appearing to show him in an airplane cabin and at a check-in counter, as fellow residents to recover from a deadly winter storm.

Cruz said in a statement that he accompanied his daughters on a flight Wednesday night to Mexico because they had the week off with school canceled.

“Wanting to be a good dad,” said Cruz, who also stated he is returning to Texas on Thursday afternoon.

The storms has been connected to at least seven deaths in Texas and knocked out power to as many as 2.5 million residents. The number of residents without electricity as of Thursday morning was down to less than 1 million, officials said.  

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“My staff and I are in constant communication with state and local leaders to get to the bottom of what happened in Texas,” Cruz also said. “We want our power back, our water on, and our homes warm.”

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South Carolina House passes bill that would prohibit most abortions if a fetal heartbeat is detected

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The South Carolina House of Representatives on Wednesday voted 79-35 to pass legislation that would prohibit most abortions. 

The bill must pass through a procedural vote in the House on Thursday prior to heading to GOP Gov. Henry McMaster who has indicated that he will sign it, according to the Associated Press. Two Republicans voted against the legislation while two Democrats voted for it. The state Senate passed the measure last month. 

The bill requires doctors to carry out an ultrasound to check for a fetal heartbeat and if a heartbeat is identified an abortion can only be performed in certain circumstances.

The legislation would not penalize a woman for obtaining an unlawful abortion, though the individual responsible for performing the abortion could face consequences.

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The outlet reported that other states have approved similar or even more stringent abortion prohibitions which could be implemented if the Supreme Court throws out the landmark 1973 Roe v. Wade decision. All of the other states’ abortion bans are currently entangled by court challenges and if the South Carolina bill is approved it will likely face litigation that prevents it from going into effect, according to the AP.

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